Saturday, September 15, 2012

Another sacrifice

So, I have not updated in a while... but I feel compelled to do so this afternoon. Med school IS a lot of sacrifice.

Sometimes the sacrifices are easier than others, for example giving up weekends and evening to studying some really interesting things. Spending evenings in the hospital evaluating new patients and trying to understand what's the cause for their current symptoms and complaints.

Sometimes, the sacrifices are not so easy -- such as this weekend; I missed my sister's wedding because of a required school activity yesterday and a combination of other factors (lack of commercial flights that met my schedule requirements, it takes too long to get between here/there to drive, and weather was not cooperating to allow Pete to fly us out there). Even though I knew of this possibility from the beginning when the date was set... I guess I had my heart set on going and just *knew* that somehow I would get out there and be present at the activities of yesterday and today. But, that was not to be and instead, I spent the last 3 days tearful and disappointed. And though this sacrifice may seem trivial or silly to some, to me... there is no place I would rather be this afternoon than being part of the activities surrounding the wedding. Instead, here I sit too many miles away typing, studying, and trying to keep my mind occupied to avoid thinking about what all I am missing. And, I know this probably won't be the last time I feel this way over missing something.

Don't get me wrong... I usually love what it is that I do each day. I am privileged to hear the stories of many, and get to be part of their healing. I am fortunate to be entering a career with multiple avenues so that no matter what I go into -- I can always try something new if I get bored (ex. teach, research, patient care, etc.). And, there will always be something to learn.
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On a side note, I have finished psych and am now in my internal medicine clerkship. I am learning the foundation of medicine right now. It is so fascinating and most everything I learned my first two years gets used daily. It is, however, a lot of work. I spend M-F from 6:30/7:00 AM - 4:30 PM in the hospital each day + 6:30/7:00 AM - noonish 1 weekend day most weekends + one day each week in the hospital until 11:00 PM. I come home exhausted, and puzzled by the patients that I have seen and spend hours looking up causes/differentials/treatments/etc. so that the next day I am a bit smarter and know a bit more about what's going on. On top of this, I study and complete assignments.

My mom and youngest sister are coming out here in a few weeks. I am excited to see them. They have never seen where we currently live (post move from the house), so it will be fun to show them around the area.


5 comments:

Gram said...

Aawww, Heidi. I ache for you right now. This is a big disappointment and I soooo feel for you. Glad to hear you have the anticipation of mom coming to maybe ease it a little. Thinking of you!!

Jennifer Skoog Photography said...

((hugs)) Heidi! That is rough...I give you kudos for always so eloquently writing your feelings and ending with a positive spin. We missed out on soo much living in Alaska, but had an experience to remember... but many days, it was like.."this is my choice to be here??!!??" thinking of you!

Amy Lynn said...

Awe, my dear. Missing out is so not fun, especially a fun family affair such as a wedding. But in typical Heidi fashion you are able to focus on the positive - hugs. Love you!

Pete/Heidi said...

Thank you all ~

ethiopifinn said...

Aw, that just stinks.

Your dedication is fantastic, tho, Heidi!